Learning to just BE

Many parts of this whole "brain thing" have been difficult...and I have faced many challenges along the way...but one thing that I have gained is priceless. Previously, I was borderline OCD....type A personality....a "perfectionist" of sorts. I was also always on the move, going, doing, busy, very busy. I held several jobs at once while in college. I was always taking a class, earning a certification, maintaining a licence, on and on. I was going in a million directions all the time. A brain problem and major fatigue is a sure way to put an end to all that chaos. It's coming up on three years since my initial diagnosis and my life is completely different. While my new attitude would likely make me "less employable" it doesn't matter today and I am finally enjoying my new found ability to just be. There are days...sometimes weeks that I don't actually do anything or go anywhere, and I'm ok with that. Doing nothing, or going no where would have made me crazy before. Prior to all this if I didn't have my car for a day, I would feel claustrophobic. I guess not being able to drive at all for almost 2 years is a sure way to fix that. I can drive now, but I rarely do. Accepting and embracing my new lifestyle was a slow process for me and quite an adjustment. I certainly shed many tears along the way, frustrated when I "couldn't" do this or that. Now, I'm completely content to just be...as long as I get a nap. ;) Even as I improve I hope to never fall back into my old ways. We recently went on a vacation to Kauai. It was a fantastic trip, and I spent most of my free time just taking it all in...from my lounge chair overlooking the ocean. I didn't need to be snorkeling, going, or doing anything. I was content just hanging out. With a very busy three year old, the opportunity to just be is far and few between, so I am glad to be able to sit back and enjoy the few fleeting moments in time when nothing is happening. I'm so thankful that I am now able to really capture the moment and I have learned how to truly savor it.